Parents Spoil All The Fun
by Manchester
Summary: "Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare" - Ed Asner. Xander and Dawn have wed, settled in England while working for the New Council, produced a child, and now it's seventeen years later at a certain Scots magical castle.


"_NNNOOOOO!_" howled Hermione Granger with real anguish.

Inside the Great Hall of Hogwarts, Bellatrix Lestrange shivered in utter delight at hearing such a despairing scream coming from one of the Master's enemies about to pay for their futile resistance. She looked adoringly at Lord Voldemort who was at this moment confronting his newest prisoners hopelessly huddled together at the far end of the hall where they'd been captured at breakfast today in a sudden Death Eater strike which had ended up in absolute triumph. Paying no mind to that mudblood girl standing at the forefront of the crowd of other students and staff at the magical castle, Bellatrix gushed, "My lord, that was wonderful! I didn't even see you cast the Cruciatus curse at her! Truly, you're the master of inflicting the greatest amount of pain possible-"

"Bellatrix," interrupted an impatient Lord Voldemort without glancing over his shoulder at the sadistic witch who'd become even more bonkers after her recent stint in Azkaban Prison, "I haven't even _done_ anything yet!"

"Oh…," Bellatrix trailed off. She next tried to cover up her abrupt discomfiture at somehow embarrassing He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named by doing one of her usual maniac cackles, only for this evil laughter to come out more like a self-conscious schoolgirl's giggle. All too aware of the dumbfounded stares being sent her way by the other Death Eaters surrounding herself at how she'd just sounded, Bellatrix glared at everyone near until they hastily avoided her venomous expression. This latest bit of social dynamics among Voldemort's minions was cut short by Hermione now acting just as oddly and at the top of her voice as of a few seconds ago.

Stomping around in a small circle while shaking her clenched fists held at head level with a look of absolute fury upon her pretty face, Hermione screamed to nobody in particular, "Six _years!_ Six lousy, stinking years down the drain! I finally had the chance to be the hero of my own adventure after having to listen my entire life to what the rest of my family accomplished, and now it's all _over!_"

Virtually the entire population of the Great Hall - consisting of both the Hogwarts denizens and the Death Eaters - stared in shared disbelief at the ranting young witch. Even Voldemort appeared somewhat taken aback at this bizarre turn of events. He had the quick suspicion that this was some sort of ploy or trick by that mudblood to catch them off guard, but this villain still couldn't help but to recognize the total honesty of the sheer wrath in the voice of Potter's little friend. An impulsive decision was made by Voldemort to allow whatever present idiocy happening to continue a bit longer, if only to learn exactly what was going on.

Indeed, Granger continued to vent out loud without paying attention to anybody there listening slack-jawed to her, "Right from the very start when I was in that bathroom my first year before the troll showed up, I decided to handle things my way! Who wastes hours crying about a bunch of bullies, anyway? I spent the whole time planning to take over the completely archaic wizarding world, and I would've eventually done it, too! Except then, that smelly troll wandered in! Next came Harry and Ron dashing to the rescue, just before I was about to Wingardium Leviosa the troll's brains out its ears! I couldn't risk making them suspicious over something like that, so I wound up being one of Harry's sidekicks. It didn't take me long to figure out this was a great way to hide in plain sight, just like Dad did during his own high-school years."

Throughout the Great Hall, puzzled looks promptly appeared on the crowd's faces over hearing this last, particularly when Hermione went on to complain, "He wasn't all that thrilled by me doing this, until I talked him and Mum to hold off for a while in case things changed for the better next year at school. Of course, Dad laughed his head off like a loon when I got petrified by that basilisk! He felt it was punishment enough having to spend months in the school infirmary with nothing to do but go over in my head all my mistakes! Well, I also passed the entire boring experience lining up my arguments to stay at Hogwarts, and this worked! After a full family discussion which ended with them deciding it wasn't worth bothering about unless the situation became worse such as the non-magical world getting attacked, I had permission to take care of it all on my own, which was absolutely what I was hoping for! One of my aunts even said it'd be just like old times, of her and the Scoobies saving the day in California while pretending to be nothing more than a bunch of meddling kids! So, I became the research girl, used a time-turner to read the entire Hogwarts library, earned a couple of degrees in magical theory, British wizarding history, and some others! All while waiting without much hope for the corrupt Ministry of Magic and the rest of the stupid culture I was now part of to finally pull their heads out of a multiplicity of arses and _do_ something!"

Heedless of the variety of expressions ranging from actual bogglement to growing anger being sent her way, Hermione plunged forwards in an acidly monologuing flow: "But no, why would anyone here ever think about mere details like a fifth-rate wizard who got blasted into intangibility by a toddler and his several dozen Death Eaters afterwards claiming one and all at being under the Imperius curse that had close to a hundred thousand wizards and witches pissing their knickers? After all, you robed numbskulls with overwhelming numbers could've just teamed up to curbstomp the bad guys to death, much less even bother to use your wands on them! How hard is it to think for yourselves and not blindly follow a senile leader who'll give murderers, torturers, and rapists as many chances as they want to pretend to redeem themselves when those scum run out of handy victims? Even Mum's big sister admitted years afterwards she should've done her proper duty and acted at once when things went wrong regarding what Dad still calls the fangsters!"

Voldemort missed the last incomprehensible part of this angry outburst. Rather, what the impertinent girl before him had previously said in full insulting measure would immediately result in her being granted the honor of death at his own hand. Beginning to raise his wand in preparation for saying "Avada Kedarva!", the words of the Killing curse froze on Voldemort's tongue at seeing how Hermione had instantly spun around to point a stiff index finger at him. He then heard from her, "Oh, no, you're not getting off that easy! I had to undergo a complete critique every single year at home right after the Hogwarts term ended! Do you even know how humiliating it is to have people who love you point out every time you screwed up? The Sirius Black situation, Harry and the Goblet of Fire, and me getting hurt at the Ministry when you finally stepped out of the shadows! That was just about the last straw for Mum and Dad! I was put on notice there wouldn't be any more foolishness and sent to start my sixth year at Hogwarts with the condition the hammer would come down if you went and did something spectacularly Evil Overlordish!"

The entire room was now frozen motionless at witnessing this incredible confrontation between a young girl and the most infamous wizard since Gindelwald himself. Taking a deep breath while glowering at a stunned Voldemort, Hermione now spat, "So, naturally, you attacked the castle, defeated the hero and his wise mentor, gathered up all the hostages in one spot, and declared to them - more specifically, to _me_ - that you were going to…" The witch's teeth slammed shut at that point, so she next gritted out with utmost loathing through these clamped-together molars, "…Rule. The. World!"

_CRASH!_

The massive double doors to the Great Hall burst open and slammed against the inside walls. As the shattered portals began to swung shut under the overpowering impetus granted to them, the woman floating through the air made a casual gesture with a flick of her fingers which halted the doors in their tracks. Stopping in her unsupported path about ten feet off the floor, this same lady with glowing-white hair and colorless orbs of an equal hue looked downwards at where the Hogwarts crowd was gaping at her. The hall's inhabitants next switched their dazed attention at the mob of other young women expertly gripping a variety of swords, axes, and maces rushed into the large room to then surround all the wizards and witches flinching away from these strangers standing there and predatorily eyeing them.

After a few more moments, two additional people strolled into the Great Hall. One of them was a tall man in his forties, possessing a black eyepatch covering his left eye, and giving a careless swing at every few steps to the heavy battleaxe he was carrying in one hand while intently staring at the confused crowd. The other individual striding at his opposite side from that weapon was a beautiful woman perhaps a few years younger and bearing a distinct resemblance to-

Catching sight of whom he'd clearly been searching for, the man then cheerfully bellowed, "Hi there, Princess!"

Hearing this, those members of the British wizarding world couldn't help but to follow that man's gaze to where Hermione Granger was glumly staring down at the hall floor, her shoulders hunched upwards in genuine awkwardness. This same evident mortification was present in her voice when she mumbled without looking over at where this pair of adults was approaching the witch, "Hello, Mum, Dad."

A wide grin splitting his scarred face, this acknowledged father stopped by Hermione and with his free arm, he gathered her up in a crushing embrace against his chest. She was still being hugged when for the first time throughout the last few minutes, a flabbergasted Harry Potter managed to say something, "Uh, Hermione, are these the same…_dentists_ you told us were your parents?"

At where the small family group was together, the man and the woman looked over Hermione's head at each other, and then these spouses proceeded to roar with laughter. This went on until Hermione managed to squirm free from her father's grip. Meeting Harry's gobsmacked glance with a blushing countenance verging on a tomato's deep scarlet shade, Hermione reluctantly admitted, "I really can't remember why I said that at our first year, but it turns out there's a way it'll finish up things here for once and all."

"Oh, yes," agreed Hermione's mother. She smiled proudly at her daughter still refusing to meet this maternal gaze, before adding while her husband with his battleaxe began to nonchalantly edge closer to a wary Voldemort, "I'm Dawn Harris, and this is Xander, from the New Council with its Slayers and Watchers. We had our own reasons for using different names. But if you like, Harry, you can describe us as 'the power he knows not.'"

All hell broke loose in the Great Hall the very next second.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: This is a response to dogbertcarroll's recent chapter dealing with Hermione having for her parents this same pair of Scoobies, and also those ticked-off next of kin storming the castle when yet another of those magical schmucks puts their child in danger. I thought I'd throw in as a reason just why Hermione went through without any parental interference so many adventures with Harry and Ron the same rationale which results in summer camp and other youthful activities for more ordinary youngsters: namely, it helps them become independent adults and deal with real life situations. Well, compared to what they went through growing up in Sunnydale, Xander and Dawn unsurprisingly wouldn't be too fazed by Hermione having her own supernatural escapades. Especially when that same girl pleaded for a chance to go through these experiences without the whole gang hovering around every single second, consisting of a blonde Slayer, a dark Slayer, the most powerful witch in the world, the One Who Sees, the Key, and the remaining New Council (all several thousand of 'em dealing with far more dangerous Big Bads).<p> 


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